17A - Elevator Pitch No. 2
17A - Elevator Pitch No. 2
1) The Pitch:
Hook:
How long would you go without changing your underwear?
A day? 2 Days? A week?
When are they DIRTY?
This predicament is what 22 million Americans that have Sleep Apnea face when deciding how often to clean their CPAP masks.
Hello from Landstuhl Germany Sleep CLINIC!
Problem:
CPAP USERS masks collect oils, dirt and germs and if not cleaned properly can lead to respiratory issues, skin breakouts or other health issues
(Show Clean vs. Dirty Masks)
It’s a nuisance to have to clean the masks. There is currently an expensive machine on the market but it only sterilizes the masks. It does NOT remove the dirt and oils!
Solution:
My solution is a CPAP cleaning service that is convenient and most importantly saves you time!
We have our mobile hygiene mask cleaning service that will conveniently go straight to your door, we have a CPAP Hygiene facility for drop offs, and growing in popularity is our PREPAID mail subscription service!
We will professionally clean your masks & hoses for you, alleviating you of the burden!
Ask:
Now that I have spiked your interest, contact us at 314-590 MASK or visit us at CPAP HYGIENE.COM
Thank you / feedback
2) A reflection on the feedback you received from your last pitch. Describe what stood out to you as important, what feedback surprised you the most, what feedback you think was outright wrong or silly, what feedback you thought was most useful and insightful.
I was brave enough to volunteer my first pitch with the entire ENT3003 class. I am glad that I did, because I received some useful feedback. They thought it was important that I try to lessen the time of the pitch, it was 131 secs and needed to be 90 seconds. It is difficult because I do have to explain what a CPAP mask is and why it is used, since I was pitching to an overall young crowd. I thought it was important to note that they thought I could talk more about the solution than the problem. Maybe focus on how I would physically clean the mask and also discuss how the business would work. Again, it seems hard to do in 90 seconds. They thought after my hook, that I was droning that my pitch was constant. Maybe that is because I practiced 20 times. I will try to work on that without sounding like an over excited valley girl. They did say maybe I should introduce where I was, i.e. a Sleep Lab bedroom and also they said to maybe instead of using a clean mask to incorporate a dirty mask…. Yuck. I was surprised that they didn’t like the angle of the camera. I thought it was more interesting with me leaning into the camera vs. the regular old filming. The one thing that I felt was silly, was they brought up my dress shoes. They said they were distracting since they were pointy. All I have to say is… insert laugh…I’m in Germany and Europeans dress on a fancier scale than Floridians are used to. I thought I looked very fashionable and presentable.
3) What did you change, based on the feedback?
I decided to try to loosen up and try to approach this pitch showing I know what I’m talking about, instead of it sounding rehearsed. I focused more on my solution than the problem. I incorporated my work location which is a Sleep Clinic in Landstuhl, Germany. I adjusted the angle of my camera (Personally, I liked the angle of my first pitch. I thought it was creative, new and draws you in, plus I looked better from that angle) and tried to have more fun with the pitch so my tone would not be droning. I begged someone for a used mask, so I could show the differences of clean vs. dirty. I also gave options on how to contact us. I nailed the time at 91 secs!
Hook:
How long would you go without changing your underwear?
A day? 2 Days? A week?
When are they DIRTY?
This predicament is what 22 million Americans that have Sleep Apnea face when deciding how often to clean their CPAP masks.
Hello from Landstuhl Germany Sleep CLINIC!
Problem:
CPAP USERS masks collect oils, dirt and germs and if not cleaned properly can lead to respiratory issues, skin breakouts or other health issues
(Show Clean vs. Dirty Masks)
It’s a nuisance to have to clean the masks. There is currently an expensive machine on the market but it only sterilizes the masks. It does NOT remove the dirt and oils!
Solution:
My solution is a CPAP cleaning service that is convenient and most importantly saves you time!
We have our mobile hygiene mask cleaning service that will conveniently go straight to your door, we have a CPAP Hygiene facility for drop offs, and growing in popularity is our PREPAID mail subscription service!
We will professionally clean your masks & hoses for you, alleviating you of the burden!
Ask:
Now that I have spiked your interest, contact us at 314-590 MASK or visit us at CPAP HYGIENE.COM
Thank you / feedback
2) A reflection on the feedback you received from your last pitch. Describe what stood out to you as important, what feedback surprised you the most, what feedback you think was outright wrong or silly, what feedback you thought was most useful and insightful.
I was brave enough to volunteer my first pitch with the entire ENT3003 class. I am glad that I did, because I received some useful feedback. They thought it was important that I try to lessen the time of the pitch, it was 131 secs and needed to be 90 seconds. It is difficult because I do have to explain what a CPAP mask is and why it is used, since I was pitching to an overall young crowd. I thought it was important to note that they thought I could talk more about the solution than the problem. Maybe focus on how I would physically clean the mask and also discuss how the business would work. Again, it seems hard to do in 90 seconds. They thought after my hook, that I was droning that my pitch was constant. Maybe that is because I practiced 20 times. I will try to work on that without sounding like an over excited valley girl. They did say maybe I should introduce where I was, i.e. a Sleep Lab bedroom and also they said to maybe instead of using a clean mask to incorporate a dirty mask…. Yuck. I was surprised that they didn’t like the angle of the camera. I thought it was more interesting with me leaning into the camera vs. the regular old filming. The one thing that I felt was silly, was they brought up my dress shoes. They said they were distracting since they were pointy. All I have to say is… insert laugh…I’m in Germany and Europeans dress on a fancier scale than Floridians are used to. I thought I looked very fashionable and presentable.
3) What did you change, based on the feedback?
I decided to try to loosen up and try to approach this pitch showing I know what I’m talking about, instead of it sounding rehearsed. I focused more on my solution than the problem. I incorporated my work location which is a Sleep Clinic in Landstuhl, Germany. I adjusted the angle of my camera (Personally, I liked the angle of my first pitch. I thought it was creative, new and draws you in, plus I looked better from that angle) and tried to have more fun with the pitch so my tone would not be droning. I begged someone for a used mask, so I could show the differences of clean vs. dirty. I also gave options on how to contact us. I nailed the time at 91 secs!
Hi Elizabeth, I really enjoyed watching your elevator pitch. It is definitely an improvement compared to your first one, not saying your first one was bad or anything. I really like how energetic you were the entire time you were doing your pitch. Also I like the position of the camera. In the first pitch, your camera was at an angle pointing downwards but this time it is like eye level.
ReplyDeleteHey Liz,
ReplyDeleteI think you definitely improved in this pitch vs your last. Although there were some awkward sounds and background noises in the video, I felt the sound quality and video content were better this time around. In terms of the content, I think the only thing you could really improve on was you kind of stuttered and paused in the first part of the video, which only negatively affected it because I personally feel the hook is one of the main parts of an elevator pitch. However with that being said, I think your hook is really great and definitely grabs the listeners attention.
Hi Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteYou are pretty brave to volunteer to have the whole class critique your elevator pitch. I think incorporating where you work helped enhance the message and gave you more credibility from the audience. I think that your pitch is the one of the best i have seen. Nice Job! I dont have any critiques because I think that you hit every aspect and did a good job informing your audience on the importance of your product.